When I was a preschool teacher, I thought that kids with nannies were given far too much attention and indulgence. One adult whose whole job was to cater to your every need? Surely that wasn’t a healthy way to raise kids. Nine years and one pandemic later, I can confidently say that the true gift of having a nanny is not about attention, indulgence or catering to every need. It’s essentially the gift of time. Time to pick up every stick you see and not have to be told that sticks aren’t safe because there are too many kids nearby who could get hurt. Time to wander down a path and stop to look at every rock or bug or leaf. Time to nap when you’re tired and eat when you’re hungry. Especially for a child under three, these are tremendous gifts. Early childhood should be unhurried and child-centric. There’s plenty of time to learn to get along with others and abide by social expectations. For these first two or three precious years, we should try to preserve a sense of timeless wonder. The world is so new and overwhelming. Their brains are growing at an astounding rate. Wouldn’t it be amazing if we valued childhood enough as a society to give new parents time to savor this brief period?
Another misconception I had during my teaching years was that properly preparing children for what would be expected next was just part of child care. Once they get to the toddler classroom (or pre-K or kindergarten or any other next), they’ll need to have X skill, so I’d better start preparing them to do that now. From cleaning up toys to potty training to walking in a line or sitting in a circle, prepare, prepare, prepare. I look back on that approach now and see so many ways I failed to honor the place where a child was at that time. Life is chock full of constraints and expectations. Why do we manufacture so many made up timelines of “shoulds” that young children “need” in order to be successful?
So, is this some privileged take where I encourage every family to take out a second mortgage in order to be able to afford high quality, in-home, one-on-one care? Or quit their job and do it themselves? No. I am fully aware of the demographic I serve and what a tiny minority it is. What I am saying is, if you spend time with a tiny human, if you can, when life permits, forget timelines and milestones and comparisons. Slow down and try to see the magnificence of babies and toddlers. They have so much to show you.
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